Exhaustion!

There is a lot you learn about yourself when you have kids.  I think your true self really comes out when you are exhausted.  And being exhausted is a much too common occurrence with young children. I thought once K and J were out of the infant stage, I wouldn't have days when I could fall asleep if I sat still for more than 5 minutes.  Oh, the naivety!   J has been sick; and when he doesn’t feel good, he doesn’t sleep good.  When he doesn’t sleep good, neither does Mom (me) or Dad.  Lucky for us, K sleeps like a rock and never wakes up during J’s nighttime crying sprees.  He is often the only one in the house getting a good night’s sleep.

I know I have next to no patience when I am tired.  Unfortunately this can affect both my work interactions, and more often my interactions with my boys.  At work I can generally keep myself in check, but at home, it seems harder to do. It's like my daily quota of patience was used up during the work hours.  K has a way of dillydallying  that is just so frustrating sometimes.  And when I have to ask him 5 times to get undressed or sit down in his chair etc, I find myself reaching the boiling point.  I am definitely more of a yeller at these moments than Dad is, ever.  And I often regret it later.  But that is something I learned about myself and I am working on to be a better parent.   I know my boys deserve my best, and don’t always get it.  I no I will never be a perfect parent, and that is OK too. 

 How about you?  What have you learned about yourself as a parent? (please share in the comment section below!) 

Tuning it out

At almost 4 years old, K. is and has been for a while now, in the "question stage".  Why?  What is….?  It is enough to drive you crazy sometimes.  Or at least, to drive me crazy.  Any parent out there, knows what I mean. There are days when I ask him to please, be quiet for 5 minutes.  And both my husband and I have used the answer to the why question, “Because it is!”  Sometimes, there is just no reason why, or why something is called what it is…(his second favorite question).  How do you explain some things to a not quite 4 year old?  The incessant questions are particularly trying to me in the car on the drive home after work.   Some days he won't let up until he gets an answer.
Since I work in a nursing home, I spend part of my time everyday with residents with dementia.  Granted, these are often some of my favorite people to work with.  But there are days…  Even though their repetitive questions are different, and are being asked over and over again for a different reason; there are times the similarities of the question assault is overwhelming.   I will admit, being asked twenty times in 10 minutes when Bob is going to come visit by an 83 year old, or why something is what it is by a 3 year old, takes all my patience and energy.    There are times when I tune it out, no matter who is asking the question.
Being not the best employee and mother is at times the only way to save my sanity. I know we all do it at times.  We walk by the resident asking questions and we pretend we didn’t hear her.  We tell our child we don’t know the answers, or it just is, that's way.  Sometimes it is too much.  As much as we try, we sometimes have to do what is best to keep our own sanity.  At times we only have so much of ourselves to give.  At times I feel guilty.  But I know I am not alone.  Am I?

Watch out!!

Any parent can relate to that moment when you can see that your child is about to get hurt, and you just can’t reach them in time to stop it. For me, it seems to happen in slow motion. This happened to me twice in a week with JJ.  He is becoming the adventurous one.  The first time was falling off a kitchen chair, when standing on it to play with playdoh at the table.  I was right at the kitchen counter making dinner, but couldn’t get to him before he fell.   But luckily he didn’t get hurt, he was just shaken up, and more so, since he landed in the dog’s water bowl.
Now in the same week, a similar situation presented itself to me at the nursing home.  As I was walking down one of our longer common hallways, where lots of folks like to sit in the sunshine, I saw Bob (who is one of my favorites) at the end of the hall standing up, and his chair alarm was going  off. I was too far away to yell to him to sit down, or to reach him to physically get him to sit down.  As I hurried closer, he took two shaky steps and tripped and fell on the floor.  Luckily there was a nurse also nearby, who came to help, and Bob wasn’t injured, just bruised, and embarrassed.  There was that moment when you know; you can foresee the accident happening, and you are powerless by sheer distance to stop it.
I am sure this happens to everyone at one time or another, but it always gives me that heart in my throat feeling.   Especially when you are suppose to be the one to keep someone safe, either as a parent or a caregiver, and you can't.  Luckily this week no one was hurt when I was watching.  Let's hope it stays that way!

Growing up

When my older folks I work with learn that I have young kids, I inevitably hear, "Enjoy them now, they grow up so fast."  I also get the occasional "These are the best years of your life."   I think the latter can really only be seen with golden glow of age and memory as one looks back on a lifetime of experience.  But truly the boys are growing before my eyes.   It's obvious when they put on a pair of pants that I swear fit them last week, and now they look like capri pants. My youngest has gone from a baby to a little boy apparently over night.  He was a tough baby.  He cried a lot, had infant reflux, and didn't sleep through the night until almost a year, but that same golden glow of memory, makes all that a blur. 
I try to cherish those moments in the middle of the night when JJ wakes up and won't go back to sleep without rocking.  Or those times when K says he's afraid of the dark and wants to rock in the rocking chair with Mommy.  I know these moments will come to an end and I will miss them.  I will miss those sweet little boys who want Mommy to hold them and give them hugs.  I am realistic enough to know there will be a day when they will be embarrassed to be seen with me.  That hugging Mom, if done at all, will only be done when other people can't see them.  It might ruin their coolness factor.  So for now, I will try my hardest to appreciate those quiet moments.  Because there will be a time when I will be the older lady remembering a lifetime of experience through the golden glow of age and memory and will be thinking about the best years of my life.

Eating

For the past few weeks, my nearly two year old has been a terrible dinner eater. He just won't eat much more than rice and occasionally pasta. Not a very nutritious meal for a boy with so much growing and developing left to do. We try to encourage J.J, and offer him alternatives after constant refusals, but lately even that has been to no avail and left us parents frustrated. But, he would of course, gladly eat dessert. Cookies, ice cream, chocolate, he is there!
Today, at work, Mary refused all lunch, even with nurses, aides and me conjoling and encouraging her to eat. I even tried giving her a number of bites to eat like we do with K, our almost 4 year old. "how about just 3 bites of sandwich?". She was having nothing doing with that. But, when they gave her the cheesecake off her tray for dessert, that she ate all of and appeared to greatly enjoy. Why, not. Who at any age doesn't want dessert instead of a sandwich? And when your decision making ability is impaired or not fully developed, of course the best tasting food seems like the best idea. When I am 80, stock up on chocolate peanut butter ice cream, hopefully from Stewart's!